The Things People Don’t See

Today I got really angry and ended up crying because someone laugh-reacted to the birthday post I made for my son yesterday. I know technically it was just a reaction on Facebook, but it hit something much deeper for me. It made me feel like someone was laughing at my life and everything I’ve been through without having any idea what actually happened or what I’m dealing with.

I’ve been carrying so much guilt, hurt, loneliness, and grief, especially when it comes to being separated from my kids and feeling like I’ve failed them when the reality is that I’ve been trying to survive circumstances that were far beyond what I ever wanted for my life. I’ve also survived things that I still struggle with every day, and I don’t think people understand how much those experiences continue to affect me.

When I saw someone laughing, it felt incredibly disrespectful and invalidating. It brought up this overwhelming anger of, “You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, so how can you possibly find this funny?” I ended up posting about it because I was tired of feeling like people can judge me, talk about me, or make assumptions about my life without ever bothering to ask me what actually happened.

I think what I’m really struggling with today is feeling misunderstood, judged, and completely alone with things that are already incredibly hard for me to carry. The reaction itself may seem small, but it touched a much bigger place in me. I don’t want people to pity me. I just want people to understand that there is a whole story behind my life that they don’t know, and some parts of that story are incredibly painful.