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The Difference Between Enduring and Living
So much of your day can be spent quietly holding on, keeping steady, getting through. Somewhere in the middle of all that carrying, there are moments that feel less like enduring and more like actually being here. What does it feel like, right now, to notice the difference between just getting through and truly being present?
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6 Replies
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Actually being present versus just going through it makes you feel that you do have some power in the direction of your life, how your days go and how you feel emotionally about it all at the end of it. I know that for me if I’m just going through the day I don’t have much to offer anywhere else. Be it home, work, or publicly in the world – if I wasn’t present and attentive, that lack of presence and attentiveness extend themselves into other settings and interactions. Whereas, if I was present and attentive – that good fortune would extend itself as well into other areas. My heart and mind can settle that something was achieved. I get that not every day is about achievement but you can definitely feel it.
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Louis, this stayed with me all day. The idea that absence doesn't stay contained, that it follows you into every other room, is a clear description that I truly respect.
I want to be honest about why the ending landed the way it did. The Performer is my top Frame. So "my heart and mind can settle that something was achieved" is a sentence I have lived inside of. Presence used to be something I earned at the end of a productive day, like a receipt. On the days I produced nothing, I couldn't settle at all, even when the day had been perfectly fine.
What I'm curious about, and I ask this without any assumption about your own Frames, is this. On a day where nothing measurable happened, can you still feel the difference between enduring and living? Or does the settling need something to point at first?
No pressure to answer. Sometimes the question does its work quietly.
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Getting through is when I’m constantly bracing myself for the next thing. I’m thinking about what needs handled, what could go wrong, how other people are feeling, what I’m supposed to be doing, and how I’m coming across. I’m functioning, but part of me is always standing guard.Being present feels like my guard finally gets tired enough to sit down. I’m not necessarily happy or carefree. Im just not fighting the moment. I can laugh at something stupid, get completely absorbed in music, enjoy a conversation, or notice something around me without immediately turning it into another problem to solve.
Right now, I think truly being present feels unfamiliar to me because I’ve spent so much time learning how to endure that peace can almost feel suspicious. Getting through is familiar. Being here, actually here, means I don’t have to anticipate the next blow for a few minutes.
The difference Im finally begining to notice is survival asks, “What do I need to do next?” Presence asks, “What am I experiencing right now?”-
@chelseanicolesteadman, the line about your guard finally getting tired enough to sit down is one of the truest descriptions of presence I’ve read in this forum. And the part about peace feeling almost suspicious names something a lot of people feel but have never said out loud. When enduring is what kept you safe, of course stillness feels unfamiliar at first. It isn’t a sign something is wrong. It’s a sign the guard was working overtime for a long time. The two questions you ended with, “What do I need to do next?” versus “What am I experiencing right now?”, capture the whole shift in twelve words. Thank you for putting it here where others can borrow it.
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In the midst of simply just getting through, I seek for clarity and apply graditute for those things I cannot see but exists. The belief that when we go about finetuning our paths of becoming human, we recognize that we have choices in the experience we create, thus driving the need for allowing unconditonal self love to embrace moments of getting through. Creating a cacoon of unconditional love and care for self.
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@rodneypratz, “a cocoon of unconditional love and care for self” is such an image. What I appreciate most in what you wrote is that you’re not treating the getting-through days as failures to be ashamed of. You’re wrapping care around them. That’s a real distinction: not forcing yourself out of survival mode, but refusing to abandon yourself while you’re in it. Thank you for this post!
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